Saturday, April 9, 2011

Award winning science reporting!

Edward R. Murrow. Walter Cronkite. Richard C. Hottelet. Sharyl Attkisson.

If economics is "the dismal science", then science is more dismal due to economics, because most news media spend more money on blow dryers than peer-reviewed journals. But those days are gone, swept away by Sarasota native and University of Florida alumnus Sharyl Attkisson. When historians look back on our own Age of Enlightenment, they will know the moment when the scales of reason tipped in favor of empiricism and logic. Behold!
Why could human DNA potentially cause brain damage? The way Ratajczak explained it to me: "Because it's human DNA and recipients are humans, there's homologous recombinaltion tiniker. That DNA is incorporated into the host DNA. Now it's changed, altered self and body kills it. Where is this most expressed? The neurons of the brain. Now you have body killing the brain cells and it's an ongoing inflammation. It doesn't stop, it continues through the life of that individual."
Before Mach 31, 2011, few suspected our species was laboring under the invisible hand of the homologous recombinaltion tiniker. Think about it: for thousands, nay hundreds of thousand of years, homo sapiens have endured one indignity after another, alone in a universe indifferent to our suffering. Slavery, war, disease, The Learning Channel. The drumbeat of human misery goes on and on, but now there is hope, for a great, learned CBS medical report, Sharyl Attkisson, has revealed the very source of that satanic drumbeat, the paradiddle of pestilence, the cowbell of catastrophe as it were: homologous recombinaltion tiniker.

Don't bother looking it up. Attkisson's knowledge doesn't come from Google or dictionaries. No fealty owes she to Gutenberg or Aristotle. Attkisson's spring of knowledge is drawn from modern telephony, and the unique, ten-digit code used to "speak" to the author of a scientific review article.

Another great journalists, George Orwell, once wrote "To see what is in front of one's nose needs a constant struggle." Today we thank Sharyl Attkisson for her struggle. Her courageous expose of the silent killer, homologous recombinaltion tiniker, has eased all of our burdens.

Homologous. Recombinaltion. Tiniker.

Remember these words.


  1. I think there's an old Pastafarian tradition that the Homologous Recombinaltion Tiniker was an overly starchy, badly-clumped-together member of the Flying Spaghetti Monster's host of ministering noodles, that the FSM cast out from His noodly presence -- upon which it became the vehicle for much evil and starchiness in the physical world. HRT, get thee behind me!

  2. This totally explains all those mad cows... And tells us why canibalism is bad for you, makes you go a crazy and stuff.